THOU SHALT NOT ENTER THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN WITH THE WRONG WORDS

SOUL: Can I come into heaven please I’m very keen to join God.

 ST PETE: Hmm well the applicant tracking system has scored you at under 66.6% suitable so I’m sorry, No. You didn’t get an email?

 SOUL: No.

 ST PETE: Oh that’s ok. I didn’t send one.

 SOUL: But I’ve been a good Person and a Christian my whole life!

ST PETE: Well that’s as well may be, but I’m afraid you don’t match the criteria if your life doesn’t have’ the right words’ in it.

 SOUL: What do you mean ‘the right words’ I’ve prayed every day.

 ST PETE: Yes of course you did, but did you #worshiphisglory #prostrateyourselfathisfeet 

#singhosannahinthhighest?

 SOUL: It’s all the same thing isn’t it?

 ST PETE: No. It’s not the right words.

 SOUL: But I went to Church every Sunday…

 ST PETE: …Well actually there’s a gap in your church attendance which is unaccounted for. and that means the computer says you can’t come in.

 SOUL: Oh for God’s sake.

ST PETE: Yes for God’s sake all the applicants are monitored by the system first. He only interviews the ones with the right words. Otherwise he’d be interviewing for all eternity. Wouldn’t He?

SOUL: Isn’t that his job?

ST PETE: No. Now go away and do your life all over again, this time with the right words.

Bye.